Who am I? pt-3

Who am I pt-3, good way to start. Parenting 101, hard but GREAT. It is just that. From the time of being told you are going to be a parent whether, a mother or father. I was not shocked, however I was very surprised, and overjoyed at the announcement. The birth was traumatic for all three of us, mother, father, baby. Even my sister and birth mother who were there for us. It took 13 hours and part of the blame go to the Doctor. Following the birth it went very well, thou they had my son in an incubator for a short while. He was still a healthy 8lb-6oz. bouncing baby boy and jewell of his dads eye.

It was to another two years before baby number 2 showed up. This was a little different we tried hard to conceive this one. It took several months to get pregnant again. It happened and on June 16th 1981 we welcomed a second son. Much to the disappointment of my Love, as she again wanted a daughter.

May 5th, 1983 number 3 arrived this one was not planed. We we both very happy, even though my Love still wanted a girl. He wanted to get born as it was a fast delivery less then 5 hours. We were home the next day. The other two boys seem to welcome him.. The problem was the first two did not get along and it is still so to this day.

Who am I? pt-3. The sadness is my sons and my 12 grandchildren are separated from me. I don’t know the reason for it, however it has been far too long with out my sons and their children. I love them all. Only knowing that about 7 years ago we just stopped talking. Not knowing if it is my fault or they don’t want me to be a part of their lives or their children’s lives hurts me deeply There have made some attempts at contacting them especially the oldest one. I do have some contact with two of my grandchildren through Facebook, and that is a beginning.

Following the birth of our youngest son she became pregnant again. My Love announced she was getting an abortion. Stating she had children in diapers for 8 years and was tired of it and she was ill and had to think about her health. I was a coward and did not say a word. I went with to the clinic and waited for the procedure, we drove home without talking. In fact we have never spoken of it.

I stared to drink, it was a slow build up to where it would cause major problems in my marriage. Being in and out of AA over several years Finally in 1984 I was suicidal my Love walked in to find the house surrounded by cops guns drawn. I had refused to talk to them, however, I would let my Love come in the talk me down, even though I had a loaded rifle with me. Giving up they took me to Detox instead of jail. Offered treatment again I accepted and was to spend the next 90 days in the state hospital.

Who am I pt-3. Following my return home it was tense for a long time. I was sober for about a year this time. I started drinking and it didn’t take long to cause more problems. Asked to move out I stayed with a co-worker for several months in which I was not sober. At some point I was asked by my Love to come back home. I was again sober for awhile.

The end came on October 27th 1987, when I went to work and was already drunk, my Love was there along with family friend. By the end of the shift I was very drunk and attempted to steal a large roast. I was taken home by my boss being to drunk to drive. He told my Love everything and fired me. I came out of the blackout just long enough to hear my Love say. “That’s it I want a divorce”. I knew in her voice that she meant it and there would be not talking her out if it. It was over. The End of everything. The start of everything. Part 4 will take you through the years between divorce and the start of recovery.